D i u r n i a
1. Dayglo
Warping colours
swirl about me.
Warping colours
swirl about me.
Everything is dripping,
melting from Sol’s hot touch.
Ne-neon flecked clouds
shine overhead,
while flaming blue birds
arch through the sky.
But something
about this is wrong.
I know that something
is out of place.
My shadow
darkens into an abyss,
turning into a fierce
silhouette.
Sharp features,
deep sockets,
strong arms.
Then all is like before,
with my shadow upon
the active floor.
2. Flare
An area of melting grass,
flowers, and dirt
grows on the swirling ground.
Bursting forth
blazing white.
The flare begins to move,
bubbling upon
the floor, like ooze.
Head forming,
tail revealing.
I watch a dragon come out,
made of florescent colours.
I watch him twirl
through the neonic sky.
3. Coronal
Bright flashes
radiating,
plant life
pulsating.
Differing rhythms
coming from all,
as the flaming sky
twists and curls.
When I was small,
coming into myself,
the family
unknowingly
made me feel
unwell.
Dark shadows
deepening,
a danger
looming.
A silence takes place
of the lovely sounds,
every time the light
and flashes dim.
When I was small,
he was always absent,
sleeping
and working
his life
away.
When I was small,
I wanted a father
who didn’t scare me,
a family
who didn’t frighten me
into denial
of myself
and my attraction.
4. Sunspot
A dark,
dark pool
spanning the horizon,
with waves of black fire
gently flowing
in a grey breeze.
Rainbow shimmers
reverberate
the Sunspot.
I’m reminded
of a time
when I was out
to the world,
and I felt fiery
and scared.
I used to dress
in sparkles
and colour my nails
and eyes.
Large eyelids open
one graceful, elegant,
but the other is
harsh and cruel.
I’m reminded
of
when I was in
between the
genders,
unsure.
I let the others
tell me
what I was
and mislead me.
The bright colours fade
and I blink away the shapes.
5. Penumbra
I run
from
the encroaching
shade
crawling
o’er
land.
The smoke
starts to drown
my senses.
Take your hands
off of her.
Your heated grip
has held us
for too long.
I was outside,
watching you
turn on her,
holding my
sister’s hand.
Black,
fiery demons
are filling
the flowing
fire.
Take your hands
off of me.
Your heated grip
has held me
for too long.
She was outside,
watching you
turn on me,
holding my
sister’s hand.
I’m used
to
running away
from
my
feelings.
6. Clusters
Clusters of white,
glowing lights,
trees and birds:
They sprout from below,
across the blackened surface.
Do you
want me in your life,
or do you
want to shut me out?
Please
make up your mind.
Just make up your mind.
I dash
from light
to light
as they go out,
surrendering to dark.
Do you
want me in your life,
or do you
want to shut me out?
Please
make up your mind.
Just make up your mind.
Do you
want me in your life,
or do you
want to shut me out?
Please
make up your mind.
Just make up your mind.
Then all around
is sable.
7. Eclipsed, pt. II
Burned-black hands
grab me,
holding tightly
my whole being.
There’s nowhere
to hide;
Nowhere that’s safe.
And then my shadow’s
moving
out from under me,
and growing
into a man’s shape.
“You are my son;
I am your father,
spun from the darkness,
unlike your mother.”
I was a mistake
to you,
an accident
made
from lust.
Hands release me,
replaced by his grasp.
He is the Summer Sun,
harsh and ugly.
Whereas my mother
is the full Moon
in the Springtime.
Take your hands
off of me.
“No, no, no”
Take your hands right
off of her.
“No, no, no
You are mine now,
and I’ll put you down.”
I remember her light,
filled with love and peace.
My heart begins to glow
and sears his hands away.
I see you now.
You were
the darkness
scaring me my
whole life.
You were the demons
in the Night
that instilled all
that fright.
He starts to
fade away,
and my shadow returns
to me.
8. Rings
Heavy with the weight now,
of truth and dark sorrow.
I try to fight it,
to find another reason
for my yearning heart.
But there’s no use
when the source
of my seclusion
is staring me
in the face,
when the pain
that you caused
still resides within me,
pulled
to the forefront.
The rings
of flame and molten nature
are filling up the sky.
And there’s no use
ignoring the hurt
when the source
of my seclusion
is staring me
in the face,
when the pain
that you caused
still resides within me,
pulled
to the forefront.
Pulled to the forefront,
gathered to the center,
dark taking shape
into your shape,
into your eyes,
into your face.
9. Prominence
My tears
become
an archway,
made of glowing
violet sparks
and teal waters.
The Sun tries
to dry
them out.
But this is
my prominence,
this is my truth,
from deep down inside me,
from my roots.
The arch
drips
so softly
into my eyes,
glazing o’er
them into lenses.
The Sun tries
to dry
them out,
to dissipate them
and fill me
with doubt.
But this is
my prominence,
this is my truth,
from deep down inside me,
from my roots.
10. Tachodinal
(Instrumental)
11. Granule
The warped
vision clears away,
and I fin’ly
see the true Sun.
Granules cover
the surface.
They’re turning
into spots of
white light,
becoming
my memories
that I thought
I had lost
to the darkness.
The lenses
sink into my eyes,
lending pure sight
as a gift.
I'm starting to
remember.
I walk within
the field of my
forgotten
childhood.
I see the
goodness I had
I see the
good and the bad.
I won’t forget,
or block out sadness.
I’ll take it all in,
with gladness.
12. Extinguish
The Sun
has started to go out,
solidifying,
slowly dying.
I was disowned,
abused and forgotten
by my father.
We were never close
when I was small,
so why should I
even bother
with trying to hold onto him,
considering what he did?
There’s no
bitterness in
my heart.
I have to let Sol go,
for my own health.
From afar,
I see the blackened cracks
solidify,
And I won’t turn back.
The past may be dead,
but I feel a weight in my head
and heart.
There’s no
bitterness in
me.
I have to let Sol go,
for my own health.
I need to release
this hate,
release this loneliness.
And now a Light comes
from inside me,
the remaining energy
draining
from the sunbeams.
No matter
who leaves ,
ignores or hates me,
I am still loved.
I am still loved.
I am still loved.
I am so loved.
13. City Lights
Upon the blackened dirt,
with the Sun sleeping
forevermore,
I see a vast city
on the horizon,
bright lights glowing.
It came up from the Core,
bursting through a fissure.
I reach the gate
of the City,
veining teal lights
pulsing above me.
Placing my hand
upon a scanning module,
I’m uploaded
and turned
into data.
Warping colours
swirl about me.
Warping colours
swirl about me.
Everything is dripping,
melting from Sol’s hot touch.
Ne-neon flecked clouds
shine overhead,
while flaming blue birds
arch through the sky.
But something
about this is wrong.
I know that something
is out of place.
My shadow
darkens into an abyss,
turning into a fierce
silhouette.
Sharp features,
deep sockets,
strong arms.
Then all is like before,
with my shadow upon
the active floor.
2. Flare
An area of melting grass,
flowers, and dirt
grows on the swirling ground.
Bursting forth
blazing white.
The flare begins to move,
bubbling upon
the floor, like ooze.
Head forming,
tail revealing.
I watch a dragon come out,
made of florescent colours.
I watch him twirl
through the neonic sky.
3. Coronal
Bright flashes
radiating,
plant life
pulsating.
Differing rhythms
coming from all,
as the flaming sky
twists and curls.
When I was small,
coming into myself,
the family
unknowingly
made me feel
unwell.
Dark shadows
deepening,
a danger
looming.
A silence takes place
of the lovely sounds,
every time the light
and flashes dim.
When I was small,
he was always absent,
sleeping
and working
his life
away.
When I was small,
I wanted a father
who didn’t scare me,
a family
who didn’t frighten me
into denial
of myself
and my attraction.
4. Sunspot
A dark,
dark pool
spanning the horizon,
with waves of black fire
gently flowing
in a grey breeze.
Rainbow shimmers
reverberate
the Sunspot.
I’m reminded
of a time
when I was out
to the world,
and I felt fiery
and scared.
I used to dress
in sparkles
and colour my nails
and eyes.
Large eyelids open
one graceful, elegant,
but the other is
harsh and cruel.
I’m reminded
of
when I was in
between the
genders,
unsure.
I let the others
tell me
what I was
and mislead me.
The bright colours fade
and I blink away the shapes.
5. Penumbra
I run
from
the encroaching
shade
crawling
o’er
land.
The smoke
starts to drown
my senses.
Take your hands
off of her.
Your heated grip
has held us
for too long.
I was outside,
watching you
turn on her,
holding my
sister’s hand.
Black,
fiery demons
are filling
the flowing
fire.
Take your hands
off of me.
Your heated grip
has held me
for too long.
She was outside,
watching you
turn on me,
holding my
sister’s hand.
I’m used
to
running away
from
my
feelings.
6. Clusters
Clusters of white,
glowing lights,
trees and birds:
They sprout from below,
across the blackened surface.
Do you
want me in your life,
or do you
want to shut me out?
Please
make up your mind.
Just make up your mind.
I dash
from light
to light
as they go out,
surrendering to dark.
Do you
want me in your life,
or do you
want to shut me out?
Please
make up your mind.
Just make up your mind.
Do you
want me in your life,
or do you
want to shut me out?
Please
make up your mind.
Just make up your mind.
Then all around
is sable.
7. Eclipsed, pt. II
Burned-black hands
grab me,
holding tightly
my whole being.
There’s nowhere
to hide;
Nowhere that’s safe.
And then my shadow’s
moving
out from under me,
and growing
into a man’s shape.
“You are my son;
I am your father,
spun from the darkness,
unlike your mother.”
I was a mistake
to you,
an accident
made
from lust.
Hands release me,
replaced by his grasp.
He is the Summer Sun,
harsh and ugly.
Whereas my mother
is the full Moon
in the Springtime.
Take your hands
off of me.
“No, no, no”
Take your hands right
off of her.
“No, no, no
You are mine now,
and I’ll put you down.”
I remember her light,
filled with love and peace.
My heart begins to glow
and sears his hands away.
I see you now.
You were
the darkness
scaring me my
whole life.
You were the demons
in the Night
that instilled all
that fright.
He starts to
fade away,
and my shadow returns
to me.
8. Rings
Heavy with the weight now,
of truth and dark sorrow.
I try to fight it,
to find another reason
for my yearning heart.
But there’s no use
when the source
of my seclusion
is staring me
in the face,
when the pain
that you caused
still resides within me,
pulled
to the forefront.
The rings
of flame and molten nature
are filling up the sky.
And there’s no use
ignoring the hurt
when the source
of my seclusion
is staring me
in the face,
when the pain
that you caused
still resides within me,
pulled
to the forefront.
Pulled to the forefront,
gathered to the center,
dark taking shape
into your shape,
into your eyes,
into your face.
9. Prominence
My tears
become
an archway,
made of glowing
violet sparks
and teal waters.
The Sun tries
to dry
them out.
But this is
my prominence,
this is my truth,
from deep down inside me,
from my roots.
The arch
drips
so softly
into my eyes,
glazing o’er
them into lenses.
The Sun tries
to dry
them out,
to dissipate them
and fill me
with doubt.
But this is
my prominence,
this is my truth,
from deep down inside me,
from my roots.
10. Tachodinal
(Instrumental)
11. Granule
The warped
vision clears away,
and I fin’ly
see the true Sun.
Granules cover
the surface.
They’re turning
into spots of
white light,
becoming
my memories
that I thought
I had lost
to the darkness.
The lenses
sink into my eyes,
lending pure sight
as a gift.
I'm starting to
remember.
I walk within
the field of my
forgotten
childhood.
I see the
goodness I had
I see the
good and the bad.
I won’t forget,
or block out sadness.
I’ll take it all in,
with gladness.
12. Extinguish
The Sun
has started to go out,
solidifying,
slowly dying.
I was disowned,
abused and forgotten
by my father.
We were never close
when I was small,
so why should I
even bother
with trying to hold onto him,
considering what he did?
There’s no
bitterness in
my heart.
I have to let Sol go,
for my own health.
From afar,
I see the blackened cracks
solidify,
And I won’t turn back.
The past may be dead,
but I feel a weight in my head
and heart.
There’s no
bitterness in
me.
I have to let Sol go,
for my own health.
I need to release
this hate,
release this loneliness.
And now a Light comes
from inside me,
the remaining energy
draining
from the sunbeams.
No matter
who leaves ,
ignores or hates me,
I am still loved.
I am still loved.
I am still loved.
I am so loved.
13. City Lights
Upon the blackened dirt,
with the Sun sleeping
forevermore,
I see a vast city
on the horizon,
bright lights glowing.
It came up from the Core,
bursting through a fissure.
I reach the gate
of the City,
veining teal lights
pulsing above me.
Placing my hand
upon a scanning module,
I’m uploaded
and turned
into data.